I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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