we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My breasts were aching with rage.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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