Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
