she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Sober January is a disaster.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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