no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
