ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
