i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
