when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
