Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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