the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
