my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
