I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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