Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
