So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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