Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
