Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
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