I love black thongs
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
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