After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
