I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
