xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
