I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
