Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
