I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
