she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
