dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
