I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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