Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
