YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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