i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
