he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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