im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
