bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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