I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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