So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
