We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
