DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
