her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
