I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
