but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
