Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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