Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
