What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
