My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I wish you could order shots online.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
