dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
