You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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