there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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