Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
