this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize