living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
