I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Randomize
